Yesterday I went to my cousin's wedding. As I waited for the wedding to start, I looked around the room and I began comparing myself to everyone. "She's skinnier than I am." "Her hair is so long and pretty, it looks so much better than mine." "Wow, her outfit is so much cuter than mine." I did this until I had gone around the entire room, and of course everyone was better than I was.
"This is a wedding. A wedding is supposed to be a time of happiness," I told myself. But still I was sad. I hated myself. I hated my hair. I'd cut it because I hated it but now I was jealous of everyone around me with their long hair. I hated my body. I'd been proud of the weight I'd lost since having my little man but there was one of my cousins whose baby was younger than mine and she was definitely skinnier. And then I started hating myself for hating myself.
Has anyone else ever been in that kind of vicious cycle? It's so hard to get out of!
But as I sat there, full of hate and frustration, I began thinking. I believe in a God who knows and loves all His children. Sometimes I don't think about how that affects me on a personal level. I heard the parable of the talents from the Bible and it hit me in a way it never had before. God didn't make us all the same. And guess what? That doesn't make us worse than everyone else. Someone is going to be better than me at a lot of things. I may not be the best at anything, actually. That's possible. However, I'm still me, and I'm loved. My husband loves me. I see it in the way he kisses me and smiles when I come in the room. My baby boy loves me. I feel it in his precious little hugs and the way he snuggles up to me when he's tired or sad. My Heavenly Father loves me. I feel that in the way I am blessed. My life is not perfect. Far from it. But every day there are little things that show me that I am loved. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter how I compare to anyone else. I am me and I am loved for it. Now it's time that I learned to love myself the way my boys love me.
And the way my Father in Heaven loves me.
(via google images)
1 comment:
I do this all the time. I am super neurotic and crazy crazy. My problem is I think everyone is judging me when I'm the one judging them. I can't help it. I saw a Victoria Secret model yesterday and I was like dang! How come I can't look like that? I want a super flat tummy, toned arms...life's not fair. However, I'm making myself super miserable by doing so. It's hard though cause I still do it and it feels like I'll never change. I think you look beautiful and I think your hair looks amazing, plus you have what all those girls wish they had. An amazing husband and a beautiful baby. They're all beating themselves up because they want what you have.
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